no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
