fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
