I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
