Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
