I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
