I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
