The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
