i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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