My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
