I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
