If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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