I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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