do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
