I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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