i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
