I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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