is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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