Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
