eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize