She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
