I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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