Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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