I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
