My hand turned me down
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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