Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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