I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
