i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
