take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
