Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
