she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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