Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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