i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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