I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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