new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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