omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
