shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
