I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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