Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
