im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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