Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
