Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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