my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
