Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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