we have pet lesbian snakes
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
