discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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