I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I AM VODKA MAN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
