you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
