I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
