I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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