I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
