Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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