just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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