a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize