Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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