remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
