No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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