no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
