I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Enjoy the penises
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
