i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well you can't waste a boner
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
