I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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