I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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