So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
