youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
