...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize