now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
