just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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