Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
