I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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