the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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