I wish I could punch you in the face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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