if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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