the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
