i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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