she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
